WWCollegian - 1939 March 31

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Complaint
An electric phonograph in the
midst of the Edens hall dining room
hubub! Swell, thought I, as I sat
down to my hash. .Why hadn't
someone thought
of that before?
Good m u s ic
with our meals!
Such a simple
idea and yet
what sound edu­cational
philos­ophy
!
Unfortunately
I was wrong.
The instrument
had apparently been used the night
before and soon went back, I sup­pose,
to its rightful owner.
Why shouldn't a good electric
phonograph stay there? Consider
for a moment. Under our new as­sembly
ruling it is possible for us
musical morons to stear clear of all
good music in assemblies. If it be
admitted that we are morons, and
stubborn as well, then *' little subt­lety
in exposing us to music might
be in order.
In the past this exposure has been
made in assemblies. What are the
drawbacks in that system? One:
We are (or were) required to go.
That has its bad points. Two:
The majority of musicians have
nothing to offer but music. Frozen
faces, stuffed shirts. The traditional
speechlessness of the concert stage
offers little to attract one who can't
lose himself in the tonal sublimities
of his musical superiors. Three:
Hunger, never a pleasant sensation,
rears its ugly head during this I I
o'clock hour. Not a pretty sort
of conditioning to go along with
any music. Four: The only re­course
for one who must attend,
willy-nilly, is to talk to his neigh­bor
(social reactions not good), or
study. Studying midst music is
rather difficult and succeeds best
when the music is mentally tuned out
completely. Obviously no increase
in musical stature may be expected
under these conditions. Five: The
factor of infrequency. For those
who like them not, the musical pro­grams
seem dreadfully frequent, but
actually under optimum conditions
we get only six or seven periods of it
per quarter. Few great likes are
developed with such infrequent con­tacts.
Six, and lastly: Under the
new rulings, no one need go to any
musical assembly. Unless some­thing
is done, floods of young people
(men predominating) are bound for
musical perdition.
The advantages of Edens hall
incidental music with meals, careful
selection of records supervised by
the music department would give us
a such more pleasant background
for meals than the kitchen clatter
now prevalent. Experiments have
shown, I believe, that the right se­lection
of music can relieve that rest­less
feeling and help the stomach
in its digestive processes. Eating is
fundamentally pleasant; hearing
good music at the same time can be­come
a pleasant process through as­sociation.
A daily program of
music between 12 and 12:45
would slow down the rate of eating,
give more time for digestion, con­versation,
and just plain listening.
Daily exposures, though incidental,
would get us somewhere in musical
education where the infrequent as­sembly
doses fail.
Signed:
John "I'm his son-in-law" Rottiger.
BUY SHORT
Boson Cornered;
Fills Torch Job
The Pest-Incirierator WEATHER FORECAST £
COQLIR AMD WARMER FRIDAY, WITH LOCAL tCATTCRIO
SHOWERS ON THE COAST, PROBABLY FOLLOWED BY SATURDAY.
IT WILL PROBABLY BE COLDER IN THE WINTER THAN IN THE
cm.
NASTY MEAN TEMPERATURES
SEATTLE- - - - - 76 PODUNK - -'.••-. . . S98
PORTLAHD - - - - 6 7 MUKILTEO - • - - : 00»:
Los ANGELES - - - 06 U.S. STEEL - - -^67
CUSTER - - - - • - 36 GEO. DACK - • --104
VOL. XXXVIII—NO. 24 WESTERN WASHINGTON COLLEGE OF EDUCATION, BELLINGHAM, WASHINGTON
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Friday, March 31, 1^39 1306 DIVIDEND PAID
Campus Cut
By Dogwood
Hoppee
HARDWOOD HOPPE
He Logs 'Em Over
DARK NORTHWOODS, Summer
2.—(B-r-r)—With donkey engines
encamped on the lawn and the flag
pole rigged as a spar tree, the Hoppe
Logging company took possession of
the campus yesterday. The library
has been converted into a mess hall
and bunk house, the Co-op into a
commissary. The company of 200
timbermen includes Wayne Ensign,
ace high-rigger of the northwest.
Dogwood Hoppe, president, is
shown in the above photo notching
the first of the big trees fallen yes­terday
in front of the dorm. He pre­dicts
that the campus will be cleared
within two weeks, in accordance
with his contract with President
Fisher who leased the timber rights
as a means of raising necessary
CO-OP PAYS AT
LAST: CHECKS
E
Dale Courtney Leads WWC
Students in Picket.Line;
Word Asks for Nat'l Guard
_SELL LONG-Continued
on Page 92
Dam Bombing Plot
Becomes All Wet
SEHOME SITTY, July 4.—(U. of
W.)—Fifty-three persons were pick­ed
up Thursday afternoon on sus­picion
of arson. Arrests followed
the discovery by George Dack, WWC
gardener, of great stores of dynamite
placed beneath the water reservoir
on Sehome hill.
Mr. Dack stumbled upon the sin­ister
undertaking, much by chance,
while exploring the southern side of
the hill for superior loam with
which to better WWC's campus.
The police, upon being notified by
Dack of the alarming state of af­fairs,
ssurrounded the area with the
aid of county and state officers. In
the gun battle which ensued, Dack
had his spading toe blown off and
Continued on Page 36
:_BUY SHORT .
Continued on Page 22
BELLINGHAM, Wash., Jan. 2.—
(O, YEAH)—Student Co-op officials
today held off over a thousand
clamoring students at the door of
their store with shotguns, and sent
frantic messages to the governor for
national guard help. According to
reports received, the co-op has de­clared
their dividend for the year
1306 and the students, so loyal to
their own business enterprise and
the manager of the store that they
refuse to accept the cash dividend,
have created an almost explosive
situation.
Ford Suspicious
Led by Dale Courtney, WWC stu­dent
organizer, a small group of
five hundred gathered in front of
the book-store early in the morning
after receiving ten and twenty dol­lar
checks in the mail. Lining up
four abreast they prepared to march
in the Co-op and turn back their
checks to Sam Ford, manager. In
dispatches to the governor, Ford
said he became suspicious when he
noticed that there were fewer than
one hundred buying in the store;
and upon discovering that there was
going to be a refund, quickly bolted
the bomb-proof door, armed his
staff and the customers with shot­guns
and prepared for general state
of siege.
Ultimatum Delivered
Courtney, seeing that even the
best laid plans of ten go awry, hastily
reorganized his system, phoned Ford
and delivered an ultimatum, the
text of which is printed below:
COURTNEY: Hello, Ford?
FORD (In disguised voice): Yah,
yah, ugh, Sammy Ford allee samee
not here.'
COURTNEY: You can't fool me,
Ford. I'm givin' you a chance, see?
Either you open up and let us re­turn
those checks or else—
FORD: Or else what? (click).
Soon after this ultimatum, which
made a dangerous crisis in the Co­op
situation, Ford started sending
telegrams to the governor, and
Courtney stopped all classes form­ing
an immense picket line in the
halls.
Underground Tunnel Suspected
Latest reports to the Incinerator
at press time reveal suspicions on
the part of the pickets that Ford
and his staff with all the armed
customers have left with the store
in stock through an underground
tunnel opening into Bellingham
Bay with close access to Ford's
small 200-foot cruiser, rather than
accept in return the gift of six
thousand dollars in dividends from
the students.
SELL LONG
Bath 1 ubbs Exposes Campus Spy Ring;
Swedish Jap With Russian Accent
Reveals How He Used WPA as Dupe
Much To Fear;
Correspondent
TelkAll
SABOTAGE
By Doug Squelch
Hordes of Yap spies were revealed
on this campus last night when the
city's new Clean-Up-or-Git Prose­cutor,
Bath Tubbs, gave the alarm
through the Intelligencia Soivice.
". . . bones in the hedge, monkey
wranches in the machinery and
thumbs in the soup," cried Tubbs
in an emergency radio appeal, "Yap
spies and sabotage agents at this
moment are hunted by G-men, po­lice
and a posse of former teachers
and Legionnaires . . .
"Women and children: Barricade
all doors and windows! Men! They
shall not pass!' Git the Flit afore
they floo!"
Immediately the National Guard
and state patrolmen were ordered
by Governor Martin to halt all traf­fic
from the city; coast guardsmen
waited with deck guns cleared for
action. Chanting - hymns of hate,
Boy Scouts handed free doughnuts
and coffee to the Doughless Boys
going to the campus front.
Bewhiskered Yaps fell writhing
and screaming when they attempted
to run the gauntlet of Foo guns at
the city outskirts.
The Kitchen Krew demolished six
crusty Yap spies: Rezzbury, Straw-beri,
Cherrio, Limey, Lemonoski and
Owrench, in the Longley establish­ment.
Tubbs warned . students at noon
today to watch all good-looking an
gles closely, to peek around corners
cautiously.
"Your own roommate may be a
Yap," he said.
SELL LONG
TODAY'S
Classified Ads....Page after the next
Death Notices
.Nobody ever dies here
Motion Picture Sinimaism
You don't want to know
Society
Page after the next to the last
Sports in the Shorts... Who cares
Serial Jt may be here or not
Water Winshill...Who'll find it first
P-l CAMERAMAN GETS
SHOTS AT RISK OF LIFE
SECRET MEETING PHOTO—Ensconced in their hidden underground
bombproof shelter, Wisha Hadda Nickolski's spy troupe are shown prac­ticing
the light fantastic as they prepared to goosestep into conquered
enemy territory.
Photo Proves Bushell-Rogers Merger
Mr. Nils Boson, highly-noted for
his interest in classical music, con­fessed
last ngiht that he might ac­cept
a position proffered by a Hol­lywood
night club. "Ever since I
was a very small child, I have been
secretly devoted to the rhythms of
the swing orchestras," he sobbed.
"But following the advice of the lo­cal
psychologist, C. C. Upshall, I have
supplanted that love by propound­ing
the virtues of Wagner and
Bach."
For some time Mr. Boson had been
planning on joining what he for­merly
called the Ritznovitch Music
Fraternity. This organization was
supposed to have been a great Rus­sian
entertainment club. Last week
Mr. Boson is known to have said,
"It is, in theT opinion of a great
pianist who did not visit this school,
a stupendous club, probably the best
in the world. Students will be ad-
Continued on Page 44
SPIES UNAWARE—Shown giving orders to his ace agent, BO-2, is Wisha
Hadda Nickolski, brutal spy leader.:. Nickolski. made no attempt to control
his howling mob of cohorts as they milled about him... Defying law and
order, the mob screamingly denounced themselves as they awaited their
dastardly suicidal assignments.
Wurst Editorials Have
Always Led The Fight
NEW YORK, June 3—(BO)—
Two of the brightest lights in the
swing firmament of the world were
linked here today, when Don "Nag-pant
for weeks that the Evergreen
Maestro of the gut bucket was con­templating
a triumphal debut in the
modern music field. 'Nagasaki was
met at the airdrome by a howling
as&ki" Bushell arrived by private j m o b of rabid jazzers, seeking a view
plane at Flanders field to pen legal of the Western Washington Wizard
papers that joined his name to that and his band of .WWC hepcats
of Buddy Rogers, rhythm rascal., flown to New York in the plane
The occasion verified rumors, ram-j shown above. Slush pumps, gob-sticks,,
and squeak boxes were the
order of the day as Bushell unpack­ed
his band of marauders in prepar­ation
for the concert tonight in
Madison Square Garden.
Modest in face of cheering from
the' fervid ranks of Bushel! fans,
Don had eyes for only the ground as
hej palmed mitts with Swell Head
Rogers.
The Wurst Papers have always led the struggle for liberty and justice.
Follow the advance of journalism through the modern age. As far
back as Nero, a Wurst paper, printed so secretly that even today it is a
sacred legend in the Wurst family, and known only to family members,
that far back J. Pompus Wurstus, a Roman publican privately printed
in code a one column tabloid attacking the government and demanding
reforms. The life of that paper, the Post Morte, was cut short along with
Pompus' neck when Nero finally decoded Wurstus' journalistic effort.
Another Wurst life sacrificed for journalism . . . and just before one of
the best scoops of history . . . the burning of Rome.
Pete Liver Wurst, German ancestor of the present "wjurst family lost
his life, too, at the battle of Waterloo while covering the e^vent for the
paper of which he was editor owner, publisher, reporter, ad solicitor, copy
reader, collector and delivery boy. Wilhelm Randolph Gutenburg was
the rest of the staff. P. L., as he was fondly called by his staff, was so
intent on taking action shots with his camera thaton e of Wellington's
horses ran him down, ruining P. L., and the only camera shots of Na­poleon's
career. Another Wurst life sacrificed.
When Ferdinand Wurst II sent Columbus as special correspondent in
charge of discoveries, did Wurst papers claim credit for the epochal
sensation? Try as they could Spanish courts would not award them the
privilege of printing their own stories, and when Columbus wrote daring
special stories in his own newly-organized sheet which scooped every paper
in the world excepting those in the new world where the Redman's
Reveille and Cherokee Chatter had full page pictures and banner head­lines
about Columbus' visit.
Jamestown blossomed forth with the first Wurst American paper, and
although it failed because of lack of news and subscribers, it set,a solid
foundation for the coming Wurst Empire, which has taken hold of
America with its $ 164,000,000 earned honestly by Wurst by selling
corner newspapers.
By leaps and bounds, from hamlet to hamlet, jfrom city to city Wurst
newspapers grew and grew. Peoria, Ypsilanti, Ohmscromsy, Marietta,
and San Francisco soon claimed proudly to be sites of Wurst papers.
Wurst GREW.
And, as always Wurst papers lead and will continue to lead the strug­gle
for liberty and justice. In today's constant period, of muddle, struggle,
crises, and infjamatory ultimatums, Wurst papers will continue to impar­tially
report the news and represent Americans in an American way. Wil­helm
Randolf Wurst will continue to sacrifice himself and his money to
uphold and help the well-being of, the American people.
WILHELM WANDOLPH WURST
State Secrets
Stolen From
Offtce
TREACHERY
By Doug Squelch
"Ten thousand Swedes in Minni-sota
are armed with pitchforks,
snoose; and snowshoes, most mount­ed
on hayrakes; they await the word
from me to turn things over. Should
I be killed or arrested, another waits
to take my place. Puget Sound and
Alaskan waters have been thor­oughly
mined with nets and hooks.
No one will escape us. No onto
None. Neine. Nope. Nix," was the
astounding statement Wisha Hadda
Nickolski, confessed spy leader, made
to anyone who would listen at 12
o'clock tomorrow.
State Secrets Swiped
He said state secrets were stolen
from President Fish's office by his
deluded office girl and private sec­retary.
Coded advertisements in the
local scandal sheet revealed location
of dark spots on the campus. A
witless photographer kept Wisha
Hadda supplied with photostatic
copies of coming exams.
- -Newly- constracted- "sound booths"
were wired with secret microphones,
switches, and dictograph wires lead­ing
to all important offices in the
Administration of Learning build­ing.
Wissha Dupes Workmen
Workmen laying the new walks on
the campus became the unwitting
dupes of the spy ring when investi­gation
today revealed "wires for
strengthening the concrete" were
dictograph and telephone wires
tapping confidential messages. '
A hurried examination disclosed
chloringe in the water, nitrobingo in
science departments, cracks in the
cranium and sabotage in the cellar.
Nickolski is held by the Guard­rail
without bail.
-BUY SHORT;
Hick's Ratification
Caused By Esquire
REVERSIA, Dec. 2S.—(TJC?)—Dr.
Arthur C. Hicks, prominent WWC
English prof is slowly recovering hi
the college infirmary following rat
bites resulting from one of his time-saving
habits.
Three hours after Dr. Hicks failed
to keep his appointment with his
wife at Walt and Charlie's yesterday
afternoon, Mrs. Hicks, becoming
alarmed, requested the fire depart­ment
to search for her husband.
After waiting over an hour at the
nurses' office for medical attention,
the battered man collapsed.
"I was hurrying along, and mean­while
catching up on- my reading
for class preparation, in Esquire,"
explained the badly scratched phil­osopher,
"when suddenly I had a
falling sensation. While still in
Continuec on Page 73
-SELL LONG-Parking
Paradise
Promises Payroll
Picture on Page 9
RESERVOIR, Joon. — (A-h-h) —
"Yes, yes, of couse," stated Light
Horse Harry Philippi Thursday as
regards the proposed plan of install­ing
parking meters on the funny old
hill, Sehome.
"It will be a of a good
scheme,' the torture-tested perfessor
added as he uncorked a bottle of
aged-in-the-wood Coca Ck)la.|^!lf
business is as good as old man Kibbe
say, up on the summit, we will soon
rake in enough dough to pay for
floodlights."
"This will give Helen Trickey a
chance to see what kind of a half­wit
she's out with, and I do inean
Ridder," chuckled the veteran lyen-triloquist's
"partner." We agree
with him.
The parking meter proposal is the
first attempt to capitalize oh a field
which has unlimited possibilities.
As long as guys -like Vic Mollan go
to WWC business will be "rushing.''
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