Weekly Messenger - 1926 April 1

              COLLEGE EDITION ^j^Eg^C^^i^^,^
^ t ^ : ^ X Y . ^ N G . : 23 WASHmGrTON S ^ A ^
A. Ladof Merritt Unexpectedly
Meets a Maid on the Corner
by Duke's Wall & Quarrels.
LUNCH IN CAMP GROVE
Many Enjoy Happy Ending;
Story is Like a Fairy Tale;
Cheery Ever After.
BAUGHMAN'S CORNER, April 1.
—(B:S.N.)—One FAIR DAY in AU­TUMN
the CARPENTER'S hired
BAND, a lad of MERRITT, "cranked
up his LITTLE BLACK FORD to go
t o a GREEN FORREST FARR away.
The. RHODES were dusty and the
JVHLES were LONG,_so he t o o k AHL-of
the SHORT CUTTS.
He went over the H I L L and across
t h e MOORE" 'till he came to the
BRINK of a LAKE. There on one
aide of the road grew a HEATH-BUSCH,
the crowning glory of a
LITTLEFIELD of PEASE.
" U p o n turning the CORNER by
DUKE'S WALL a GREY HUDSON
hit the LITTLER CARR a .BUMP
t h a t made it STIGER and slide into
a FOSS on the STRAND.
: ' 0 ' JA see Where" you're CUM­MIN?"
shrieked a beautiful young
-Jady who owned the HUDSON, "you
:; should be ARESTAD, for- I LE Sure
s a y I don't think YUKON DRIVER."
"Your TAWLKES like a DAGGER
in my HART," he replied, "I did
iNOTT feel "a BONEBREAK BUTT
I'll DYE if you FREESE.me with
y o u r frown."
MUZZELL your tongue and don't
MUNKS around, your RIGGS block­ing
tarffic. The SINNES say keep
t o t h e WRIGHT. Can't you REED?"
"You're a FINICAL YOUNG LAS­SEN
MOCK at my UASE but I'll
WYNN you yet.";
' • . • . ' T i b e t you a NICHOL you are
LYON but I have to get out of here.
' " D o n ' t SPENDAL your strength talk­ing,
HUNT a HEFTY BARR to pry
w i t h and tie on a rope so it will
LEADBETTER. Now let's WALK­ER
but like a GOOSE. That's a
BIRD."
Here sprang romance and next day
t h e couple went to GROVES CAMP
for a picnic lunch. Bessie, the girl,
brought HONEY on RUSKS and
Tommie, the lad a box . of PEN-NUCHE
and TAFTE. They sat on
\ t h e MOSS near -a- FOUNTAIN where
two BROOKS met and watched a
FISHE Rcateh a PIKE only to lose
i t to a HAWK.
When they started, the CARR
went. BJER1KES, so they had it
fixed. Tommie called t h garageman
a TRICKEY CROOK and a LEACH
for charging ten SENTZ a GILL for,
gas.
"You're a RUDE PRIGG," said the
man, "ven you're as QLTS.as I, you
vqnt.SPOON so.much. BACHELD-ERS
save things."- ""..
"Time will KURE you." replied
Tommie and Bessie, "then too, we
believe in PROVAN things."
Off they'..went, t o the BISHOP who
lived in a METFIELD of CHARD
where the singing BIRDS lived. He
tied the BOND of matrimony while
a HARPER played the wedding march
by WAGNER on COMBS. Friends
t h e r e were to PELTER them with
RICE.
As the happy coiiple HURD their
machine BUSWELL their hearts beat
LITER. It was a sign they were
TAUBE happy_ever after /
'"';'> • . / " ' ;— -=—O •;-..;''• '••• ..; - - . - ' ..
HABK! ANNOUNCEMENT^
Humph, folks I. "So's Your Old Man,"
eh?—Why we've been doing that for
weeks—in this column-^It is lots of fun
anyway—and April Fool's Day—gives the
affair an added touch—of interest, doesn't
it—So's A Rainy Saturday Afternoon!—I
feet so foolish, doing this strip—in green
ink and on a comic page—you see I'm
afraid—that it will detract—from my dig­nity—
So's A Torn Trouser—Just as a
vamp—puts the Sin in Cinema—so did 1
put the Cough in Flu—But then that all
happened—last week and the week be­fore—
so I should forget it—and think of
the future.
SO'S A DIPLOMA PROM
THE GUIDANCE LIST!
RADIO IS FEATURE
IN SCHOOL PROGRAM
PHILOSOPHY
by
SVERRE
ARESTAD
People who
live in glass
houses should
consider the
values of frost­ed
glass.
POOR BOY
THELMA BUTLER: "What's the mat­ter;
kid?"
LOREN GREY: "Aw, I wrote a paper
on "Fresh Milk" and' Miss Countryman
condensed it."
MANY HOURS Y'CARRYIN'?
Oh, I could only get seventeen, but
I 'm going, to see someone personally,
and then I'm sure t h a t they will givc-
T©n£ War la Predicted.
5 Students a t l ^ w i s - a h d ^ a r i k Hig^
j^chpol w^^n^^Bt»& fo iiu&ti^i»;
$&$&* Your Old ^tetiK'f I t bite been
| s u 0 j S ^ e ^ ^
|;?i£'^)»i^
Sixteen, but then I couldn't over­load
with all of my other activities,
you know.
Nine—gosh this is an awful place,
every requirement comes either at
ten o'clock or at two and I j u s t won't
t a k e a bunch of electives. !•._ " £ j j ^ P r ^ ^
J u s t a few, I'm working this quar­t
e r but I just must keep in contact
with the school.
Sixteen—no more and no less—I'm
t a k i n g six spasms here and I'm not
worrying about getting any over
doses.
"I've struggled mightily but never­theless,
vainly. Why I'm from
Cheney and I was always allowed
twenty hours. I made "A"s and
"B"s too, easily. -Oh, I 'm sq terribly
disappointed.
What's it to ya? Do I have to
answer ..that, too? Say, they've
asked me everything but the size of
my B. V. D.s, but I'll fool (em if
they do. I t o r e - t h e t a g offen 'em.
Fifteen, sir! They've denied me my
P. E. rights. An athletic heart, 1
suppose.-
Ho hum—pardon!—BOB. •
HOT AIR, April i . - 4 B . S. N . ) -^
The latest addition-to the Normal's
entertainment program for the fu­t
u r e is the installation of a radio
s t a t i o n at the Skyland Dreamer, the
well known rendezvous for- bachelor
students of both sexes who dine there
three times daily. This new addition
to campus decorations and commodi­t
i e s gives promise of unlimited en­joyment
for all.
Announcement'of the first program
will be made later in the week-. At a
t r y o t i t which was held on the broad­casting
apparatus last Monday even­ing
between 5:30 and 6 o'clock, the
following "was received:
"Wienies are quick and easy"—
'•Yes, I like it shingled, I almost had
had a boyish eutl—"On this morn­ing's
Owl—almost missed' it—left
half that I own behind in the
scramble"—"Cottage cheese is cheap,
nourishing, and just oozing in vita-mines'—"
That last vanishing cream
I got"—"I've got to live on Spinach.
I 'm clear up t o next Thursday on my
calories"—"0~ give me a R. O."—
"Couldn't get up courage enough to
open it and fully expected three JD's
but"—"Let's see, which is more
nourishing, cream puffs or—"—"A
pound of walnuts is equal to three
pounds of beefsteak"—"This damp
weather takes the curl right out"—
"Say, are you still reducing or can
we have some"—"I saw them stand­ing
out in a Ford runabout'—i L l t had
the snappiest lines, likht blue, trim­med
in g r a y , fur"—"Yes, my trunk
finally got here, but "the Heavenly
Twins'.'—"Her folks don' like it, they
say"—"Why I lost : t en pounds in
two months." .•'-_''
Ar-r-eck! Static arrives and drowns
t h e medley of tones. The weary lis­tener
tunes off static and sinks into
slumberland where his own - s t a t i c -
takes the place of all others.
NOTED ARTISTS TO
APPEARJNJCONCERT
'' Discordant Dumb Digits " t o
Render Old Time Music at
Liberty Theater Soon.
WjWCURE
Wonderful Preventative of the
Dread Malady Is Discovered
by Bryan Hankins and Wife.
FACULTY El£imTAIN)'S']
SPECIAL ASSEMBLY
PATENTS ARE PENDING
Products Will be Marketed in a
Gaseous State, Under Trade
Name "Hansrem," Reported.
VACATION
BLUES ~
\ "'I|m watching the
clock for the "marl-
WHEEE BOUTS? April "l.—(B. S^
N.)—Under the auspices of the Men's
Athletic Club and the cafeteria Music
.department, the famous "Discordant
Dumb Digits" will appear in concert
in the Library at 5:30 a. m., Friday,
An admission fee of ten cents will
be charged. Sudent activity tickets
will NOT be accepted.
The orchestra is composed of great
a r t i s t s , namely Eyeam Wealthy, a
master of the penny whistle; Screechy
Notes, sawist de luxe; Muchy Wind,
mouth organist; Usa Brush, comb-i
s t : and: Loud Noyes, drummer.
Mr. Noyes, who-directs the group,
admits the fact that every two out
of nineteen notes will be played cor­rectly.
(Kress' Guarantee). He also
s t a t e s that harmony prevals in spite
of things and t h a t every member of
the orchestra fihislies some -numbers
all at the same time.
Professor Smith, of this school,
will loan his buzz saw to Miss Notes
for the. evenings performance. The
young lady does not carry her own
instrument, due' t o the fact that she
is sonietimes mistaken for a car­penter.
Mr. Brush is -quite bald, but he
finds that a comb makes a much
better musical instrument than an
implement of household mismanage-1
ment.
TENNIS COURT, April l.—(B. S.
N.j—It is no longer a dangerous un­dertaking
to wear a straw hat, for,
due to the marvelous spare time re­search
work of Bryan Hankins and
wife, two well known figures on the
local tennis courts, a formula for the
prevention and cure of Hay Fever
has at last been discovered. This
remedy "will be sold t o the public un­der
the~ name of "Tarisrem," a deriv­ation
of Hankins' Remedy.
P a t e n t rights are pending and for
a while the nature of the cure will
not be divulged. However, it is
known that a slight operation is ne­cessary
to affect a complete cure.
P a t i e n t s are made immune from the
ravages of this popular and dreaded
disease by allowing the blood stream
to -become exposed to a substance
which has been extracted from •• t he
sweat band of an ordinary Stetson
hat and handled while it is i n 'a
gaseous state (Oregon). "_^ -
__ To Form Corporation!
A recent interview with the dis­coverers
showed that : a corporation
is in the process of formation. The
newly elected officials are: Bryan
Currevent Hankins, president;. Gwen­dolyn
Racquet Hankins, vice presi­dent,
secretary, and treasurer; Ethan
Cavortius Allen, field manager; and
Theodore, Emporium Logan, sales
manager.
While the new found eli.xer is not
upon every market yet, plans are to
be completed fo rthis by early sum­mer.
Scores of letters have been re­ceived
from victims af trial t e s t s and
the one ^published above is represen­t
a t i v e of them.. Here's to the suc­cess
of •'•Hansrem' and the energetic
persons behind it. We will publish
one more song of its praise.
TELEPHONE BOOTH, April 1.—
(B. S. N.') — Without doubt,"one of
t h e most popular assemblies of the
year was, enjoyed by the student
body at eleven o'clock, today. • In
reality,, the''officials-were forced to
commence at ten-fifty- o'clock, due
to the fact that all students arrived
early and were impatient -to begin.
President Fisher-, opened the pro­gram
with a vocal solo, "Kiss "Me
Again," accompanied by Teddy Ce-darbcr'g,
on u juice harp.' The ap­plause
was enormous (Olive Hardan
caused this, by clapping with both
hands).
Mr. Fowler had charge of the an­nouncements
and made the first one.
"We don't need ta make much of a
nouncement in lieu of the comin'
Good Crammer Week. We all use
some kind of it anyway, even when
we talk."
Ru-th Sturdevant then issued the
plans of the College Club for its
iiext hike to Baughman's and back.
Those wishing to make the t r i p Mon­day
will- be asked to furnish their
own cup and spoon as well as to
wear boots.
Carl Hoggatt and Ethel Pavel.next
gave an original interpretation of
the '"Charleston." After two minutes
and nineteen seconds, Carl gave way
to the terrible pace Ethel was setting
and after dropping -face downward,
was carried out of the arena-
J a n i t o r O'Grady then favored with
a piano solo, "No One Nose What A
White Haired Papa Can Do."
The final number, put on by Mr.
Hunt and. Miss Countryman, was
'•Romeo and Juliet.*' As they ncared
the Balcony scene, the bell rang" but
so enwrapped were the spectators
t h a t Miss Juliet was. able to drown
its. stlv'ry tone by interpolating the
famous Mercy Screech.
An, hour l a t e r as the cli niaxed,
President Fisher arose and announced
t h a t the twelve o'clock activities
would be omitted f o r the day. Up
to this time not a soul had made his
or her exit and at this time no one
attempted. Straightway a yell went
up for more and more of the uplifting
assemblies and marching in twos, the
enthusiastic Vikers forgot lunch and
skipped en masse to their one o'clock
classes. -
Who's an old man?
MISS MEAD FINDS
POPULAR NEW PILL
Cures Mental Deficiencies and.
Helps Only Those -Who Are
Low in Brain Vim and Vigor.
Pqetical Lie-cense
Since it is very plain to see vaca­tion
is a bore,
I t s useless and "expensive, we don't
want any more.
It interferes with study, so we have
found a plan
To have no more vacations. So's
your old man.
All the girls have now. agreed to nev­er
make a date.
Till after school is over; which, for­tunately,
is late.
I t gives more time for study, improv­ing
mind and hand. -
They'll have one glorious time of it.
So's your old man.
Bobbed hair is unbecoming and is go­ing
out of style.
And every girl about the place dis­liked
it all the while.
So they're buying wigs and switches
as fast as ere they can!
They'll all be long-haired beauties
soon. So's your old man.
, Carl Hoggatt, Famous fbr-His
Ability of Hair Triinming)
Hailed Into Court by Girl.
VETERAN OP VIKING WARS
Makes Fatal Mistake in Faik
ing to Tell Female Custom.
ers of Former Marriage. /
The boys think playing baseball'is
very much too rough.
ltn bad for the complexion and they
have had enough.
They expect to make a study of the
language of the fan.
And arranging dainty bouquets. So's
your old man. ' " ' ' . . ' ••
Now, everyone is happy at Normal-by-
the-Sea. .-•>-••
Nothing is out of place,, but all is
just as it should be.
Everything but study is under bitter
ban.
J u s t watch our smoke, old fellow,
So's your old man.
Normal Baiber Gets in Bad
Extract -from Cyclops Dally Ledger
Mar. '29, 1926 _ -
Miss Mazie Walker, a former stu­dent
of the Bellinghani Normal
School but who is at present head
dishwasher at the Eagle Cafe in
this city, appeared at the local jus­tice
court- yesterday and presented
her case, "A Breach of Promise
suit against tCarl Hoggatt, barber
at the Belltngham Normal School."
"TROUBLES"
TILDEN PRAISES
LOGALNETSTAR
Sally Sullivan Receives Great
Letter from the Champion,
and Has Questions Answered.
My room-mate: has had Hay Fever
Oh, ever so long ago;
'Twas really when she was a baby,
So how in t h e world can she know?
1 love h e r a s - m u c h as ever
But, Oh dear, I alhiost hate
Her superior way when she tells it,
And I'm thinking she's sort of a
lem' —-'
For. the laugh's on her. I almost
enjoy it
Since I've s t a r t e d using '"Hansrem".
(Signed)
BICHAED QUIETUS BRINk
" The ten thousand dollar drum t h at
is to be used is the only one of its
species. It is made froin a solid tin,
oil .drum and beat upon with chop­sticks
that were used by "a Chinese
emperor during the reign of Miss
Wilson.. .••;-'-.~ •.•••:• ',"' ':'--; .'•".-.
the last
grades.".
quarter's
„i. - a?? i r j t r r t . 11 f uf * ir.'- -:
A varied program will be given
Its time for \vith the f i d d l e r ^ favorite "Show Me
the,-Way; t o . Go ; ;Honie"- featured;
TThis appearance: of the" "Discordant
T*umjb,:; J W | i t s ? ; v # ^ . ^ ^
t^us city;Vjahdi: ^ t ) ^ t ^ ^ a n y ^ e r e . - ^ % ;
i s ^ f o r S t h i s ^ a ^ n ^ t l i a t : % U ^ Norniai
3stu%Rtr feiio!;5^0ple a i ^ ^ ^ ^ g ^ v - t ft
u m j ^ ; : o f ^ e a r i n | ^ ^ l ; : : ^
At last, it has come to pass! Miss
Mead appears in the role of bene­ficiary
to the studens "suffering from
mental fatigue,, low intelligence, etc.
Miss Mead's famous tablets, I. Q's.
are being distributed among the.
student body. "At the present rate
of consumption, the mental status
of the school is going,—going up. So
far only girls have applied for the
t a b l e t s but Mr. Carver wishes to an­nounce
to future athletic aspirants
t h a t the tablets are a sure way to
avoid the guidance and probation
lists. Draw your own inferences.
The directions for taking are~sim-ple;
one after each mealj with a glass
of water. Results guaranteed de­spite
Mr. Kolstad's .staetnients. No
charge is" made for: t h e samples which
are-^now presented. Miss Mead will
be-glad to, furnish them to all who.
appear at h.er office, r
Those- who how are mentally and
physically capable find no change
^ f t e r being treated- by the I: ^Q.'s
However, those being rather weak
are, assured of. quick adyancemettt;
over their former conditidfti;.:;•''V;';-
:, .JJefpre another.':ihipinentv.i8'.';&:'iM&re'd''
^liSs [MeaflI :^ui^"3ike^lV?tnoiBie$ivh6
^lesire^itnd: r ^ t t i ^ t n e n i ^ t o • si^i-Jup^iiS':'
-hteri^jFiwiv:l?':i.s -'5p^f^.: ^M^y^^^'MA
dinei quinine andisulphur!
Mr. Bernard Sullivan, better known
as '•;Wilson Creek" SulHvah> received
the loUb'wing interesting -letter yes­terday:
*: - •'•'•'- • . . ; . , . : . " •'.-
Mr. Beriiard Sullivan,
Care Isormal Tenuis Squad,
Bellingham Normal School,
Bellingham, Wash.
My 'Dear Admirer:
l o u r letter of the twenty;first >e-wivec":
yesterday. In'"answering, l
will endeavor to bring b u t ' t h e - p o i n ts
ybu 'mentioned.
I am very sorry, but I do not
believe. I can advance yon the money
requested. Although, as you said-in
your letter,- you^niay have' the abil­i
ty to place in the Davis Oup Tour­nament.
1 am-pleased to hear that you
nave ^mastered t h e ' Tilden Strokes.
i'Yom your letter, I was lead to be-lie-
ve t h a t you were a comer. Study
iny picture carefully and master ail
details as to the facial coiitprtions
for certain strokes. : . • :r.
:1 m u s t . >yarn ,you not: to; be dis-couraged
if. ^ohn FitzC»erald/ contin­ues
to defeat1 you"; -As" you' said, Mr.
iatzgeraldha&'hadrair t h e advantages
accorded.-a\ t e h a i s player .iw^a- large
town, whilevyoUj u p : a t Wilson (jreekj
had to practice in "tlie -Orchard: -' -
r The. tennis outfit your mentioned is
alright; although -it person -in, your
financial -condition-'heed hot "wear the
s i l k underwear. ^ T l a t - ; is^ feally^-sii-;
perfluoiis and' only creates "a -destte
for the"'.Jiiore'V:be£uti^ui^t£ii^B^iii',':Hfe;:
(Continued ^ S J ^ ^ B S u r ) :
WILD TIES
1
Some, may long for the soothing
touch
, Of lavender, cream, and mauve,
But the ties I wear possess the glare
Of a red hot kitchen stove. -V '*.--.
The books 1 read and the life I 'lead
Are sensible, s a n e / a n d niild,
I like calm hats and I don't wear
~ spats,
But 1 want my neck ties wild.-'.-:
- ; ' ? . ' •'
Give me a wild tie, brother, :
One with a cosmic u r g e ;(
A tie that will swear,-and rip, and
tear, _ • - •.. .'
When ft sees my "old blue serge^
- . ' - -• - : . " . - . . • ' 3 " - ' : - - •'.••'•' '
0, some will say t h a t argent's cravat
Should only be seen, not heard;
But I w a n t a tie that will make meni.
•r'':^.. ' ':':'••''• ••"-••'" '•:•':'•• y^iS-:-
: And render their, yisibii blurired.
I yearn, I long, for a tie so, s t r o n g >;
I t .will t a k e two m e n t o t i e i t ; .
If such there be, j u s t show-it to;-me,
Whatever the "price, i'll buy it., ;r
Giye^ me^-a wild> | ^ ; i f f o t h e r ; ^ ^ ; '
- Onefwith; a lot of .sins^ ^; V -,; ^;!:;
iL: t i e ^ t h a t ; ^ i l l blaze ini a^he^tic;|taie/:
'•^^^SywBer^/ilbe^ve'fifc;^
ADologies t o Unknown" Author.
Students entering school for; the
Spring quarter were shocked t o hear
t h a t such, a serious charge as t h e one
above had been placed against their ;
popular barber. Groups of i n t e r e s t ed
individuals gathered h r t h e halls, re--,
hashed the details, and nodded know­ingly
to their chums. /
Opinion among the students seems
t o be at a standstill. An evesdropping
reporter managed t o hear t h e - " I told
you so's" of one group, only to
sleuth-foot over to another' gather­ing
in time to hear " I , don't believe
i t . He always appeared to_be such
a serious chap.? '•*"•••!•"•••
Accused Well Kuowni '" -.
For many years M r . Hoggatt. .hag
upheld the honors of the-.Blue^aBidi"
White, first as a basketball s t a r and
l a t e r as a track performer.- It ia;
then, only, right that we hear M r .
Hoggatt's version of t h e case.
The defendant t a l k s : "Ini the- bar-.,
boring profession one must at all
times be courteous to hiB customers.
In the course of a few weeks 1 meet
hundreds of new faces, a / m a j o r i t y of>
whom are forgotten,the; minute t h e y.
leave the shop. In the caefe of Miss
Walker, I believe my. courteous:
actions have been gretttly. -miscon­strued.
I will admit, however^ t h a t;
I did show her a more friendly .feel­ing
_than others. She came in t he
shop every week for-a h a i r - t r im and
n a t u r a l l y we began to exchahge
views on various matters- tJEhoUght
i t rather queer tha't'"ahe made a jhaJMt\.
of always coming i n when the -shop
was quiet. Perhaps I d i d . p o u r / S ^ e e t :
l i t le nothing into her ear as I hah- •
died the scissors and comb. But^ what
of i t ? All barbers do t h a t . The t^nly '.;
mistake I made proved', to be a t f a t a ' i ;'.
one. I neglected t o •infonn her. t h at
I was married. But why should I
pay for t h a t ? 1 will f i g h ^ t h e . case
t o a finish." : , L ^ ; . . ; ;.
Mr. Hoggatt refused to expostulate
further on the matter,'iid' t h ^ ' d e ar
public will have to await, /further
court proceedings in bf&r^todiwsbyer
the foundation•r-ugon,-.. wfajefevy-itfies
Walker bases her suit. " - : '"
In the; meantime,.Mr>. Hoggatt, t h e -
only man who cuts while "he shayesV
is still ' o n t h e ' j o b " i n ^he^Baaemeiit;-:
Barber Emporium. V ; - / :
BEY, !ED!
~ Ilaye - you seett'
the girl i n r / l he
gf<een dress?; Ohy
boy i:;::. 1 \: ^ b u n f e d ; ^ ; |
t^ehty;\ ^^-i^^M^
BW tftiayV
:^^vl : | ! : " C T f t | ? |
'jKuriii