Northwest Viking - 1931 November 24

              Sou east orseman
VOL. ETAOIN—NO. 8 4 3 9 2 6 5 7 4 3 9 IVi WELLINGHAM, BASHINGTON 1391 ,42.voN,.deW
"Mush" Bacon's Ear Bitten Off by
Bill Bowen in Tong War.
At last the Norihal R-Own
temperance league has procured the
well-known speaker the Normal has
been waiting for. In last Tuesday's
assembly this novel and instructive
talker addressed the students. The
theme of the oration was "The
harmfulness of narcotics and nico­tine,"
and the speaker was none
other than the honorable Mr. Al
Capone.
As he mounted the stage all the
students quivered in their seats for
no one knew what to expect. And
can you imagine the whole assemb­ly
sitting with their hands in the
air—such it was when Al reached
in his pocket for his handkerchief.
(I guess he's got a rep—allright!
all right).
Al Is Guarded
Accompanying him on the plat­form
were three R-Own league
members so that this noble man
should not be harmed. In address­ing
the students he said, "Since
Prohibition has come into effect
narcotics are unlawful. This reason
alone should keep you from them."
(Ah! but he is such a wise man.)
With him on his trip was his
wife, a former Normalite. She is
very proud of Al dear, as she calls
him—and wishes that all the girls
now at the Normal may some day
get such sweet and innocent hus­bands.
(Ain't it grand—this thing
called love!)
:—o
Loving Embrace
* o O o *
Librarian in Pajamas
Greets Reporter
It was with firm tread and joyful
mien that I ascended the steps of
the library, tripped over the doorsill
and entered that gay little sanctu­ary
dear to the hearts of so many
students—Miss Mable Zoe Wilson's
office.
That noble guardian of our books
rose to her full height of six feet
and gathered me into a motherly
embrace, murmuring, "Just call me
MaybeUe!"
She was exquisite­ly
costumed in yel­low
net pajamas
which, against the
scarlet of the carpet
was just too much
for me and I im­mediately
donned my
dark glasses. The
room in which I
found her reflected
in every way her
magnetic personality.
In fact I could scarcely find my
way around because of the electro­static
machines and high-powered
wires.
She proceeded to put me at ease
by serving me with a prohibition
cocktail consisting of hard cider
and prune juice from her own spe­cial
shaker which she keeps > con­cealed
in .the wastebasket. - Of
course, by this time we were both
feeling good and were singing "For
she's a jolly good fellow—Who's a
jlly good fellow —Why, MaybeUe
Zoe!"
.After another hour or two of-this
(Continued on Page 46)
Marquis Recommends
Virginia Dare Tonic
Must we go to assembly? No!
Our old friend "Charlie" Fisher has
announced that all those not desir­ing
to go to assembly will not have
to, but may go to a smoker that is
to be held in the conference room
in the library instead.
This change was made necessary
because of the smoke that clutters
around the ceiling in the auditor­ium,
making it hard for those who
sit in the gallery to see. Maybe a
ban should be put on those who
smoke in assembly but that would
be contrary to our rights as Vikings.
Carpets - have been put in the
aisles in the auditorium so that
when the "bread line" gets up and
walks out it won't disturb those
who are sleeping.
News Flashes!
Trenton, New Jersey.—Dec. 25,
1776—Crossington Washes the Del­aware.
Cleans up on German
troops. Details of escapade on page
19 of tomorrow's issue.
Athens, Greece.—399 B. C—Soc­rates
died as result of drinking or­gy.
Prominent radical succumbs
after indulging in "hemlock cocktail.
Syndicalism eharges~dropped.
(Continued on Page Two)
STUDENTS DEMAND
MORE GLASS WORK
Teachers Reluctantly Comply with
Kiddies' Wishes.
Ah, Me! .Ah, Me! What's this I
hear! Unemployment at the Nor­mal?
Yet it is so! At a very im­portant
meeting of the Board of
Control, December 2, the matter
was taken up seriously (believe it or
not).
President Colin Campbell in ad­dressing
the students said, "Ah, but
we were sorely sad to hear of a sit­uation
like this existing in these
halls of learning. It breaks my
heart to see some of pur fellow men
standing in the bread lines at Edens
hall, the Cafeteria, and Baugh-man's.
(BooKoo! It's so sad). Some­thing
must be done!"
Cites Pathetic Cases
"Why, even such important fig­ures
as Gym Gillispy, Gordy Nick­els,
Ed West (East, North, or South
—do we care?), Mort Hogley, Art
Smith, Rollie Gizburg, and Kurlie
Gross were seen standing in the
halls trying to get employment so
they could earn some grades," he
concluded.
It was decided by the board that
each teacher in the school will be
called upon to contribute to a fund,
the slogan of which is:
MORE WORK
FOR THE WORKLESS
'Everyone is conferring, and we
hope the existing situation soon will
be remedied. Ah Me! Ah Me!
Sees All; Knows All
This is the nth year of the history of our school. Starting in a big
way it warms the cockles of my heart to welcome you students who
have flunked out either here or at other institutions of lower learning.
Faculty members are glad to destruct such a large number of dumb­bells
and dumb bunnies in attendance. We do not take a back seat to
any institution of higher learning in this state in keeping a lengthy "flunk
list."
The school has gradually expanded in spite of reduce-oids. We
have done all we can to give a liberal education. We believe in broad­ening
the mind;—as well as the figure—the figure on the budget. It is
with darndest regret That our fees are increased but we MUST have
our faculty. ' /: _ . •'..•„
. I don't want it to be a mystery to you students concerning the present
depression and the effect it has on bur slashed
budget. What hurts irie most about this thing
called depression, is my own salary, and the sal­aries
of my teachers. It matters little that this
school is going to thedogs intellectually. What
hurts me most, T repeat, is my own reductibn-7-
morally, physically and spiritually. I thank you I
Normalite
THEBCUTH
THWEET THONNETTH
THOCK
THAD THTORY
By
D. Cuthter Anderthun
- *
Announcer: And now the "Spill-more
Vaseline Circus and Side­show"—
Barker: "Ladeez and Gentawlmenn
—We have with us tonight the
wurrld's greatest feature attrack-shun,
Monarch of all, 'Spillmore',
the Normal Health Dept. elimi­nating
liar!"
Spillmore: "Moo."
Barker: "There's Spillmore n-o-w."
"And now let me show you the
. leader of the much-debated
Health Dept., 'Miss Lead.'"
Audience: "Boo."
Miss Lead: "Just let me gaze on
your gozzle and I'll send the lot
o' yez to the Pest House for I
am Miss Lead, Ah, haaaaaa . . .
Hah, Hah, hah . . . "
Barker: "Quick, Liar's Famous,
throw old Lead into the den with
Spillmore the Health Dept. elim­inating
liar. At her, Spillmore, at
her . . . . "
Barker: "Old Lead is no more, for
mightly Spillmore has eliminated
her and we are free . . . free to
get all the diseases we please!"
Barker: "And now Ladeez and Gen-tlemenn—
we have to present to
you 'The Shortest Song and
Dance in the Wurrld.' This verse
was written by A. S. Toodense.
His song will soon be widely car-roled.
"I ET TOO MUTCH"
Barker: "And that Ladeez and
Gental menn concludes our Spill­more
'Come-clean' Vaseline Cir­cus
and Sideshow for this evening.
Toodelloo."
W.EthJM.Eth
OUR NURSERY
Mary's nose was a little sham
In summer, white as snow
But everywhere that Mary went
In winter—it did glow!
Mary, Mary, quite contrary.
How does your garden grow?
None o' your lip you lousy yap—
And furthermore, Who Wants to
know!"
Dickiry, dickory, dock.
The run ran up the sock
He didn't frown
He rolled it down
Dickory, dickory, dock.
W.Eth.N.Eth.
Gnow looke wat hez happund tew
thee Vi-kyng! Sheez gawn tab-loide!
Lookestew
me leighk prexzy
& mee r thee
ownlee safe &
seine mowmentz
yn thiz institu-shun.
Butt mabe
wen ye editturs &
colycomniste gett
sumpthyng undur
thee belt tewmor-rowe
(& I betcha I gett thee neck
(Continued on Page Iflve)
MUSSOLINI LEADS
Belle Livingston Discourses on
Red Apparel
Unique in the annals of sporting
events held at the Bellingham State
Normal school, was the athletic con­test
staged on Lake Waldo last
week. This goofy battle that we
speak of was put on the. program
in place of the annual intersec-tional
football game between the
Vassar College women's eleven and
the Podunk Center Icemen's Union,
because of the presence of too much
aqua on the terra firma.
Following is a word by word de­scription
of the big race as given
by Itch and Scratchit, the Normal
school's Gold Dust Twins, over sta­tion
L O. U.
Lake Rough
"Hello, my friends of the radio
audience; and how are you this
great big beautiful day? From here
in the broadcasting booth we have
a seaguU's-eye view of the vast pa-orama
of Waldo Lake. And what a
puddle it is! Extending from one
side of the football field to the
other and from goal post to goal
post it makes one of the finest crew
racing courses in the universe. Way
down the lake on the fifty-yard
line is my worthless opponent
Scratchit. It is a great day for the
race, folks. As a matter of fact, an
excellent day for bears. And can
we believe our eyes, thar's a bear
on Sehome Hill right now. He looks
a little anemic, but we've got to re­member
that these are depression
days and we have to take what we
can get. This is the first crew race
to be held on Lake Waldo. There
are many boats entered in the clas­sic.
The Faculty scow is stroked by
C. H. Fisher; coxswain, Mr. Hoppe;
Miss Rich, bow; Mr. Hunt, No. 5;
and other athletes of rather doubt­ful
ability. The Scholarship Soci­ety
raft is held together by Eddie
(Continued on Page 63). .
'. ; 0 —
Normal Stage Hit
*__o_—O—-o^—• \' '
Cyclops In Manchuria
*-—o——O—^—o *
Is Flaber gaster
(By Aloyisins Kritic)
What a frost—what a flop—what
a fizzle this next play, "Kamil in
Howling Kamp" is going to be. Hh,
the disappointment of it all!
Here your renowned critic wasted
a whole two hours and three min­utes
(by actual count) the other
afternoon attending a rehearsal of
the darned thing ajad all I got out
of. it was a headache.
In the first place the language"
used was way over my head—too
much reference to the Deity, etc.
Then, for instance, the name of the
production "Kamil"—there's only
one bright crack in the whole thing
and that's where somebody asks1-
"What the (censored) is a Kamil
anyhow? And I agree—what the
(censored) is«*a Kamil, anyhow?
; The only actor who's any good
at all is Bert West, the janitor, and
he doesn't say anything or do any­thing
or think anything (maybe).
Deb Altose and Bill Bowen and
Preston Wright and Lew Lovegren
and all the rest of the layout are
(Continued on Page Six)